a heresy of cute: LAUREN'S MEGA AWESOME IMPROV MASHED FAUXTATOES

Okay you guys, I kind of would call myself a foodie. I like eating, and cooking, and watching cooking shows, and reading recipes, and learning about ingredients, and the like. There were so many inappropriately used commas in that sentence, it's not even FUNNY.

ANYWAY
So here's something I will call
LAUREN IS A TOP CHEF YES
a segment in which I will present to you a recipe that I have created.

This evening I made something I am going to call MEGA AWESOME IMPROV MASHED FAUXTATOES. Mega and awesome, because they are. Improv, because I didn't really use a specific recipe. And fauxtatoes, because I didn't really use any potatoes at all. And mashed because they're mashed. Duh.

Okaaaay, first you need to get ahead of the game and buy a head of cauliflower. Then you cut it into uniform pieces and rinse it nice & clean. Yup.

Then you get a pot and fill 'er up with so good old water. Now you might have to wait a while. WATER YOU WAITING FOR? For it to boil, of course!

Then you put in your rinsed and cut caulifhqwagads, probably about 10 minutes. Make sure it's at a rapid boil. I think you can tell for yourself if it's tender or not at the end.

I SAID RAPID BOIL!!!

Then when it's nice and mashable, you can pour it into a colander and start thinkin' 'bout the kind of stuff you wanna put in it. I like garlic and parmesan cheese. If you're gonna use garlic, make sure you add it when the cauliflower is really hot so the heat will cook it a little.